The Devil You Don’t Know
In The Devil You Don’t Know, Lindsay, Cleveland, and their guests discuss personal growth and development by taking chances and getting out of your comfort zone. Topics range from whimsical to serious and everything in between but are always relevant to growth and development.
The Devil You Don’t Know
Stop Negotiating With Yourself: How Consistency Builds Self-Trust and Health
What if the loudest voice in your head—the one bargaining for “just one glass,” “I’ll start Monday,” or “I deserve this”—could be turned down to a whisper? We dig into the art of deciding once and following through, using simple rules, small wins, and default responses that remove the need for constant willpower. From morning walks that shrink from 45 minutes to 27, to “no fried food” rules that make menus easier, we show how constraints can create freedom and why pre-decisions protect your energy.
We unpack the three inner saboteurs—the Rationalizer, the Rewarder, and the Procrastinator—and share practical ways to label them, disarm them, and move anyway. You’ll hear how environment design (think sunrise beach walks, a produce-heavy kitchen, and fewer late-night traps) makes healthier choices automatic. We also explore which feedback loops keep people consistent—daily weigh-ins vs. how clothes fit—and how to pick the metric that supports your mindset, not erodes it.
The conversation stays real: boredom snacking, vacation temptations, and the honest math of mental energy wasted on re-opening settled choices. You’ll pick up mantras like “I’ve already decided,” “This isn’t the food I eat,” and “Not who I am now,” plus a low-friction plan for a 50/50 plate and 10-minute daily movement. Most of all, you’ll learn how keeping promises to yourself rebuilds self-trust—one simple action at a time.
If this episode gives you a nudge, follow the show, leave a quick review, and share it with a friend who’s ready to stop negotiating with themselves. What’s your one non‑negotiable this week?
Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com
This is Cleveland.
SPEAKER_01:And this is Lindsay.
SPEAKER_00:And this is another episode of The Devil You Don't Know.
SPEAKER_01:Linds, what are we going to be talking about today? The decisive you. Stop negotiating with yourself. How to make a decision. Stick to it.
SPEAKER_00:What is that about exactly?
SPEAKER_01:So I think I told you a few weeks ago that I stopped negotiating with myself. I'm no longer, oh, I'm just going to do it today and then I'll start tomorrow. Or I don't have time for this, so I won't do it today. Or, oh, you know what? I don't feel like taking a walk right now. And or I feel like eating the French fries today. Even though I set these intentions and goals for myself. So I no longer have that voice in my head where I negotiate with myself. I just set a goal or an intention and I stick to it. And I try to do things intentionally with purpose.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it kind of sounds like Matt Wilper says that it takes a consistency. And he's talking about weight loss, but it sounds like with you, you're talking about in a mental health and a lifestyle aspect.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And for for me, just being on this weight loss journey this year, my I saw that the coach who runs the program that I'm a part of was talking in, I think she did a post in the group that we're in, and she said that she got up in the morning and she put her sneakers on and went for a walk. Because a year ago that she decided that every single day when she wakes up, she's just gonna go for a walk. So there was really nothing to discuss or to negotiate that morning. And I thought, wow, I'm gonna stop negotiating with myself.
unknown:Right, right.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And it's something, you know, before we get into that main topic, it's something that, you know, that you've done consistently while we're down here in Naples, Florida, is make sure that you get in your walk every day. We're bike riding every day, and you haven't really been negotiating with even when I don't feel like it, and I know you love exercise.
SPEAKER_01:So even when I don't feel like it, and you're going, you want to go out for a bike ride? In my head, I'm like, no. But then I'm like, yep, let's go. And same thing for the walk. Every day it's a non-negotiable for me. Get up and go for the walk. So yeah, we're still down here in Naples, Florida. We're supposed to fly home today.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, but now you're getting a bonus episode because thank you, government shutdown and bad weather in the in the northeast. Our flight keeps on getting delayed.
SPEAKER_01:More and more and more delayed. Yes. And I and the kids are home. So I really want to see them. I know they drive us crazy, but I do actually miss them.
SPEAKER_00:Quick, quick, before we get into the episode of proper, quick shout out to trusted uh what was it trusted? Well, trusted house sitters we used for the first time.
SPEAKER_01:What a great service to use if you are going away and would like to have someone stay and pet sit for you. I actually was a little nervous going into this. I was not looking forward to leaving a stranger in our house. But Nicholas from South America is fantastic.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think the dogs, I think the dogs would prefer him over.
SPEAKER_01:I think so as well. But he, you know, his job was really to pamper them and spoil them. And he really enjoyed everything that the neighborhood had to offer. So he had a great time. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it was good, it was a good, it was a good time. But let's get into um to to to the to our main topic. Sure. Um, a question uh uh out there for you listeners is do you ever feel like you're stuck in a constant mental back and forth debating decisions that you've already made, right? And I think that's kind of what you were talking about in the beginning, right?
SPEAKER_01:Right. Um, like an example for me was when we went to Tortola this summer and I told Carlene that I did not want to eat French fries the whole trip. And so I said, Don't give me French fries. If I have a veggie burger, whatever I have, don't give me French fries. And she said, Okay. And I said to her, if I ask you for French fries, you just remind me that I'm not eating them on this trip.
SPEAKER_00:That's kind of akin to what I did where I said I'm only drinking healthy, so only give me banana, daiquiri, pineapple, dairy.
SPEAKER_01:For sure. Yeah. Totally healthy that decision of yours.
SPEAKER_00:Or or the time I said I was gonna detox and then I ended up retoxing.
SPEAKER_01:That's but in this episode, it's kind of hard when you're on vacation. You know, it's like relaxing and you have a good time and you want to lay loose and let loose, and you don't really have anything else that you need to do, any real commitments or priorities.
SPEAKER_00:So yeah, but in this episode, like you said in the very beginning, we're really gonna explore um how to end the debate and step into your most decisive self-trusting self. Um, hopefully by the end of this episode, you'll have some power, you'll have they'll have some powerful tools that will help you shift uh between what happens when you stop treating yourself as an option, like treating your decisions as if they're optional, right and saying I have no other choice but to hit this goal.
SPEAKER_01:Well, that that's kind of been the soundtrack of my life. I've struggled with my weight on and off for so many years. Right. I've I set these goals for myself, um, for my health, for my wellness, for weight loss, for exercise. And I get stuck in an like that noise is it's the dishwasher. Okay. In an endless loop of this internal negotiation and dialogue that I have with myself. And for many, many years, it was like, oh, I'll just start over on Monday. Oh, I ruined it already today at breakfast. Well, I may as well just, you know, have a flop of a day. And so I would imagine, because I'm in a group of people that are all on this health journey together, that they can probably relate to this as well. Um, because if we didn't do that and we just set a goal and we stuck to it, we wouldn't have the issues that we have and we wouldn't keep having the same perpetual problem.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. One of the examples that you have here is is it, and I have heard um what's his name? What's his name? Um, the singer. Uh John Oh my God. Heaven only knows. Uh I can't even remember his name. I am, I am blanking. Um, John Legend. I've heard his wife talk about like this example that you have here about the wine. Uh I said I wasn't gonna have wine tonight. It was just, you know, but it's just one glass. I worked hard today and I deserve it. Why is that setting yourself up for failure?
SPEAKER_01:Well, because you're not gonna achieve your goals that way. Right? And so when you set out to do something and then you don't do it, you essentially fail.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's like when you make a commitment that you have to make that commitment immediately.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And I know for me, like the one glass always turns into two. You and I end up sharing a bottle, and it's just, you know, it's not great. And then I and then you start this other negotiation of well, I could just have one, oh, but it's only two, I won't have it tomorrow. Then you can't get up in the morning and exercise, and it becomes this spiral into negative habits.
SPEAKER_00:There's a couple of different personality types that folks uh think of. Like there's the rationalizer, there's the rewarder, and there's the procrastinator. And tell us how those things fit into this idea.
SPEAKER_01:Well, the rationalizer was like, oh, it's like not a big deal. You did really well for the rest of the day. So you try to rationalize and validate your decision, right? The rewarder is like, oh, well, you had a bad day, so celebrate with a cookie. Right now, something that I do is I celebrate with a manicure, a pedicure, you know. Uh something just for myself, and the procrastinator is well, that's the one I was for. I will I still am a procrastinator in many ways, which drives you crazy. But oh, I'll just do it tomorrow.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'll start over Monday. For for me in my own weight loss journey, that was those things are what I had to be really, really, really strict on. And yes, as I was eating my shrimp uh and street corn and uh rice with cheddar cheese bowl today, and knowing that I do have a little uh high blood pressure and high cholesterol, I could have made a different choice. But I was the rewarder, the procrastinator, and the rationalizer.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and you know what was really funny while we were at that spot when I just looked at you and I was like, oh, is there like a street corn in there and all this stuff? And you're like, Well, what do you what are you just you saying? I mean something bad. And I was like, no, I just asked you what was in the bowl, right? But you were probably having that internal dialogue with yourself in that moment of like I probably shouldn't be having this, but I'm having it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, because I was already I was doing what you said, I was rationalizing rewarding because we've been doing really good out here. We did a two-mile walk today. Um, and honestly, it is Matt is right, right? Matt Wilbers is right when he talks about consistency being the key, not only for uh physical health and physical wellness, but also mental health and mental wellness.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Absolutely. Yeah, that's something. I mean, I think also for me being here, the the lifestyle, the vibe is very is very good for me. I really I love the heat, I love humidity, I love being by the water, I love being barefoot. So, you know, even when I don't feel like walking, um, I I walk every day here. And once and I never regret it after I do it. Um, I think you told me something this morning that really surprised me. And you've been like my biggest supporter on this journey, but you told me today that like when we started walking, my mile was 45 minutes and now it's like 26 minutes.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, yeah, yeah. When we start when we first started this walking journey, when we started going when we went in Nevis, it took I was so out of shape. Yeah, it took you uh 45 minutes to walk a mile. And I've noticed since you've been walking, like the improvements in the speed. Today you walked and the watch told me because we walked two miles and it gave us the me the exact number of our pace. It was 27. You did a mile in 27 minutes, right? Which is almost half the time.
SPEAKER_01:Correct. I mean, I feel really great about that. I cut 18 minutes off of a mile. That's huge. Um, I also don't have any more back pain. I don't feel sore for days. I'm not so winded. And so it is really about the consistency. And the problem is not a cookie or a few chips or French fries. If right you set that intention and say, oh, well, you know what I am gonna go out tonight. So I'm gonna have a really healthy day. And when I go out tonight, I'm gonna have this exception meal, right? The problem is the mental energy that we waste around this decision. We sit there and it's such a waste of time, literally having a negotiation with yourself. Like you're having a conversation with yourself in your head.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I think one of the things that you told me, an example that you gave me was like, say, committing to an early morning wake up and uh uh early morning wake up so that you could go like like we do now. We get up early in the morning, we drive, and we go bike riding, and that the old you would wake up and be like, oh, and that's when the negotiation would start. Well, I'm just so tired. I'm gonna go.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, it's a little, it looks a little cloudy. Yeah. Oh, my pants aren't clean. Oh, my bike seat's not comfortable. Right? That's what we do. We we have this whole conversation with ourselves. Um at the end of the negotiation, what I I've been telling people is what I started to say is when I stopped negotiating with myself, what I get, right? What the reward is is I get all the benefits, but none of the negative self-talk.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And and one of the things that you have here is step one is make your decisions in advance. And so what is that?
SPEAKER_01:Well, you can decide what it is that you want to do and make the decision when you're in a good state of mind. And know that that's what you have to do and that's what you need to stick to. For me, it's started out as I have to walk 10 minutes a day. That was when I started this. And another decision I made was I'm not ever eating fried food again. And, you know, in that way, it's there's no question about it. So when I go out to eat and I look at the menu, I make a choice based on, oh, well, I'm not eating anything fried, so here's my option.
SPEAKER_00:I I definitely thinking about it, I definitely think it also helps for with folks with low self-esteem, right? Because I have somebody I worked with um uh uh some time ago that confessed to me that they had a problem with binge eating. And one of the things they would do with the binge eating is is the opposite of what you have here, is that they would always rationalize, they would always procrastinate, they would always reward themselves. And then every time they rationalize, procrastinate, and reward themselves, they would come away feeling really crappy and really feeling bad about themselves and feeling low. And and first of all, I wanted to encourage that person that listen, you know, just because you made a bad choice doesn't make you an awful person. But we talked about the idea about sticking to the decisions that you've made in advance.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And remember the I was telling you somebody in my the group I'm in posted about, well, I just I just don't know why I'm not succeeding. This isn't working for me, and I'm doing everything. And I said, Well, what if you take a look at what you're doing, track it, and bring it here because we have a coach and we have other people who are very successfully becoming more active, losing weight, making healthier decisions in life. And and I said, you know, we can help you with that. I said, like, are you sticking to the program? And her response, like, she, I think she got a little bit offended. And her response was, well, I am sticking to the program, but you know, it's not that. It's the wine with my friends and the ice cream because it's hot out. And I'm like, so basically you're not sticking with the program.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, basically, you're absolutely doing the opposite of me.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, there's, I mean, I've I've very successfully lost 40 pounds this year, which is huge. Congratulations. Thank you. I exercise and I actually enjoy exercising now. And I do allow myself to have things sometimes. But when I have them and I know it's going to be a problem, I ask you to just discard them or put them away somewhere. And I know if I want two cookies once in a while, I can have two cookies. That's not going to derail me. But it's the problem is having the two cookies and then having two more and two more and two more, right? Or eating a gummy or smoking a joint and eating a whole box of cookies is a problem, right? And so you have to watch those things and just know, right, that there's not like good and bad choices, but there's choices. And so even if you make the choice to say, you know what, I'm not going to walk today or I'm not going to ride that bike, okay. But that was your choice.
SPEAKER_00:But that's a good point that you just brought out, right? Because I'm, I know a lot of folks who are into fitness, and I have a cop uh ex-colleague, um, Anil, great guy that, you know, that's super into fitness, and we're about the same age. And Anil used to talk about not really wanting to go hang out because when you go hang out, now you're gonna go drink, and now you're gonna go drink, you're gonna smoke, and you can do all these things that lower your inhibitions, and then the next thing you're off your goals, right? Um, if you ever look at folks that party and club all the time, you know, they ain't fit, right? If somebody who's who's partying and clubbing and giving in to their base desires all the time is not fit. So I think this goes back to what you're saying is like you have to make these decisions in advance.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and you make them when you're in a good state of mind. And I will say when I say you get all the benefits and none of the negative self-talk, by that, what I mean is I have never once regretted going to dinner and saying, you know what, I'm gonna have the salad tonight. And, you know, in the moment and I'm watching everyone eat something really yummy around me, sure, I'm like, mm, that looks really good. But you know what? When I get home and the next morning, I'm like, you know what, you you you had a great night. You enjoyed what you ate, you enjoyed the company of the people around you. And and you know, when you step on the scale, it's going to show that you did that. And and it's the same for exercise. I I used to get winded walking upstairs at home. I couldn't do a block without being winded and having to stop. And now I'm like on the beach, just taking off. And the beach is a hard walk. And I love it. I love it so much. I mean, it really is time for us to move.
SPEAKER_00:Jack Canfield has a really good example of this in the Success Principles where he talks about a gentleman. I think this guy was, I know he's in his 80s. I think he's specifically, he was 89 years old. Um, and he was super fit, super healthy, college professor. Um, and he was known that he would only break his diet. Like he was had a specific thing that he would only eat ice cream and cake on a full moon, right? And that was his thing. Like he would always once a month. Yeah, once a month, that he would only eat ice cream and cake once a month. His birthday, his his class and his students and his friends and family all got together and threw him a big 89th birthday and got him a cake that was this and even had some students dress up as moons and whatnot, but it wasn't on the week of the full moon. When they offered him the cake and the ice cream, what do you think this guy said? He's 89 years old. He said no. He said no. And the family tried to negotiate with him on it, and he was like, No, I've set a rule for myself and I've been successful in following this rule that I only eat ice cream and cake once a month. And today's not that day, but thank you for thinking of me. You guys go ahead and have it.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Well, and I I do, I I mean, I rarely like in regard to food now, just because of my own issues with addiction and binge eating and things like that. I don't like the food piece right now, I feel like I've come out on the other side of it. I don't have crazy cravings anymore. I prefer healthy food. I mean, down here we've it's it's really such a lovely area because there's so many clean and healthy choices here, which I love. I wish that we had that in New York. We should have that in New York, but we don't.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, New York's a little overrated some days. Um another step that you have here is recognize the negotiation and label it. What does that mean?
SPEAKER_01:Right. Acknowledge it when that voice comes up. Ah, like here I am negotiating with myself again, right? Like, nope. And and don't give that voice power. It's just like, no, there's no argument here because I already made a decision about what I'm going to do.
SPEAKER_00:Right. And it seems like most of our regrets come from when we do not follow through with ourselves and when we give into those negotiations and break our own promises.
SPEAKER_01:Right. Absolutely. And then and then we, when we, you know, start to question ourselves, we have to think about what, you know, another step is, right? The final step of this is just having a default response. And the woman um, you know, that leads my group, she says, like, you know what, like being hungry is not an emergency. Or, you know what, like that's not the kind of food I eat. And right, or this is not up for discussion. I already decided I'm doing this today. And, you know, you just have to remind yourself, and it takes, it does take a level of self-control and willpower. I will say that.
SPEAKER_00:So this third step, having a default response, I think uh one of the things that I can think of is if you were going to create a mantra, I think a mantra would be don't negotiate with yourself. Or another mantra could be, like you just said, this is not for discussion. Or my favorite mantra, now that I'm no longer a big boy but have big boy tendencies, is this is not who I am now. And I make sure from myself, I've read this in Muscle and Fitness a long time ago, like especially when you're somebody who struggles with with weight. Don't worry about the scale, right? Right. Worry about if your clothes fit. Well and if the minute your clothes don't fit, then that means you've gained that you've gained weight and that and now you're heading in a direction to somebody else who you are not. So for me, that's a word thing that works for me.
SPEAKER_01:Well, like in Chelsea May Collin, though, who is um has like a very popular uh Instagram following uh called Lean with Plants, she actually says that you should weigh yourself every day, especially if you're trying to better your health because you should be aware of the ups and downs on the scale. Gotcha. That makes sense. You could, you know, some days you could weigh up to five pounds more because of water, but you want to monitor the consistency of your progress too. Because not, you know, for someone like me, not getting on the scale is a way to avoid seeing what could have been. So maybe for you that works, but for me, that doesn't. And that's why it's so important to have these, you know, know what works for you.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I think, and I like to your point, right? It it whatever works for you is what works for you. For me, I do do a combination of both of getting on the scale, but I but I don't because I think it's easy to obsess over weight, is probably why that person in muscle and fitness wrote that article, which is instead of being obsessed over of like fluctuations in weight, just do your clothes fit. But I think as you just said, that makes sense too, right? Right.
SPEAKER_01:And that's why I think it depends on the person. There's some people who are motivated enough and you know, exercise enough and are healthy enough that, you know, maybe just a little bit of tight pants would be enough for them.
SPEAKER_00:So let me ask you a question. Sure. So you find yourself at home and it's three o'clock and you're bored. There's nothing on Netflix, you've watched all the Hallmark movies, or you've watched every episode of Star Trek, or you read all your comic books, or you played all your video. Well, don't these is very sedentary things. But now you're getting up and you go into the fridge for a snack. What could you do instead?
SPEAKER_01:Well, I actually do snack, and I only snack on fruits and vegetables. No hummus to dip it in, no peanut butter on an apple, a whole food. And I do. I snack on that and I'm fine. Um, but for me, I take a walk often when I need to clear my head. I'll read a book. I have a lot of things now that I do that I wouldn't have done before.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, because I one of the things that you and I have talked about, and I think we even um like talked about it recently in the car, is you get up, you physically move, like when you get that temptation to walk to the fridge, walk to the cabinet, is get up, physically move, put on your walking shoes, change your physical state to match the decision that you've made about yourself.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. And a lot of the time I do get up and go and walk now. That's become my MO. Um, I, you know, I'm very aware of when I'm feeling stressed and when things are happening for me. Also, in the beginning of this, I don't know if you remembered, like I told you that I was counting how many times I went to the pantry, right after I ate like a really nutritious plant-based meal because I do most of my cooking on a Sunday for the week and then just fill in the gaps throughout. But I always have hundreds of vegetables in the house, right? It's a non-negotiable. There's always vegetables there. Do I love mini cucumbers? No, but guess what? If you're really hungry, a cucumber or an apple or a carrot stick is going to nourish you. Right. It's the mindless munching on things like cookies and stuff, you're not really hungry if that's what you're gravitating towards. If your body is actually hungry, you will be able to eat the better choice and be like, oh, this is satisfying for me.
SPEAKER_00:And and is this for those of you in the audience who are listening to this and being like, ugh, this is rigid. This is punishing. Is it is it really rigid or punishing to be consistent with your goals?
SPEAKER_01:It's not rigid for me. Um, people may feel that way, but I think again, it's that, it's that ability to let go of the negative thinking around things and to get some self-control, take control over your own life. I think that's what's hard for people because it's a very big mind game. Right. And we constantly have negotiations with ourselves. We constantly create stories in our head about how things are going to pan out months before they even happen. I think we, you and I were talking about this today, like 99.9% of the time, things don't come to fruition the way that we created them to come to fruition in our head. And, you know, and and so for me, the feeling successful after the fact is what I love. Like I said earlier, I never, I never regret going for the walk. I never regret taking the bike ride. Sometimes when you and I are riding and it's 10 miles, 15 miles upstate, and I'm like, crap, I can't wait to turn around. When I get back to the car on the bike, I never turn around and say, wow, I wish I didn't take that bike ride. Right. I never turn around and say, like, oh, I wish I ate that coconut curry at dinner last night, because coconut is something I cut out of my life because of the saturated fat and the cholesterol. And do I love a good coconut curry? I sure do, but not enough to kill myself.
SPEAKER_00:And it's interesting that you say that, right? Because folks will always, folks will, like you said, 99.9% of the time make the bad choice. They will make the indulgent choice. They'll be like, oh, should I cheat on my wife or not cheat on my wife? I think I'll cheat on my wife. And then they'll be like, wow, I really regret cheating on my wife. And then they'll do it again, or cheat on my husband. Yet these things are not about freeing up you taking away choices, but they're actually doing the opposite. They liberate you, right? You were listening to a video the other night. I don't even think you probably thought I was asleep, but it was a gentleman talking about being vegan and going to uh a restaurant.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, it was go ahead. You can tell it was in the bed. Oh, he was saying it was like a funny video on Instagram. He was saying that it's like the vegans don't have difficulty making decisions because you go to a restaurant and there's like one vegan option. And so what he was saying, he's like, My friends that are not vegan are the ones they can't make a decision. You know, oh well, where do you want to eat? And he's like, I don't care. Um whatever's vegan, I'm gonna have it. Well, what should I have? Should I have this? I don't know what you're gonna have. I'm gonna have the one vegan option. And and he's like, and if there's no vegan option, I'm just gonna eat french fries that night, right? And it's true, and it's just he said so. He he was saying, like, vegans just make a decision. You know, the only time it's hard to make the decision is if we go to like an all-vegan restaurant, right? Everything is there for us. But for me, I just make a decision in advance. And I don't want to, you know, and then the thing is, I think what you were also hitting on too is it's also little steps. This doesn't have to be I'm gonna change everything about my life in one day, right? It's okay, I'm gonna start meal prepping. I'm gonna follow, right? Because primarily the way I eat is like a 50-50 plate. It's like a starch solution kind of diet, which is one of the healthiest ways you can eat, right? Which is 50% of my plate is starch or whole grains like potatoes, quinoa, rice, things like that, sometimes a little bit of tofu or beans with it. And then the other 50% of my plate is a non-starchy vegetable. And I never regret eating all those vegetables. I mean, our house today I placed a grocery order, what I don't know what it costs, what,$150? Something like that. 90% of the groceries are vegetables. There's one box of pasta in there, there's two packages of tofu, and I think a couple cans of black beans because I don't want to commit to having to boil a pot of beans tomorrow. But everything else that we eat at home is basically greens or potatoes, sweet potatoes, and vegetables.
SPEAKER_00:We we we touched on it a little earlier with on the self-esteem piece, but now I want to add in self-trust. Why is it when you stop and and and a lot of times when we work with clients is folks, when we really talk to them, they literally do not trust themselves. Oh, I love talking about self-trust. So so how does this not only help you to when you stop negotiating with self-esteem, but how does it help you to learn to trust yourself?
SPEAKER_01:Because when you when you actually do something and follow through, you can trust yourself, right? You wouldn't, you wouldn't turn, you know, turn around and stab a good friend in the back, but you'll turn around and cheat on yourself, right? And and and continue to make poor choices for yourself. And so I always talk about self-trust, is if you know who you are, you need to trust yourself to speak up, to make choices and to set goals for yourself and not for anybody else.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, one thing you know about me is I do believe in trying to keep my promises. And if I if I make a commitment to something or somebody, you know, that's why uh uh you should think about honestly, but before you make a promise, right, you should think about is it something I can actually fulfill?
SPEAKER_01:I didn't know Is it something I even want to fulfill?
SPEAKER_00:Is it something I even learned that as a Jehovah's Witness growing up, is they've given several talks about your word is important. So because your word is important, you should make darn sure that before you promise something that it actually aligns with you, right? But this thing, promising yourself that you are going to break a bad habit or break an unhealthy habit or make a good choice for yourself is good discipline because it does, it stops you from negotiating, right? It stops you from negotiating and it makes you the kind of person who makes a promise and keeps it.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And it's most important to keep your promises to yourself, right?
SPEAKER_00:Right, right, right. Um, as we reach as we reach the end of this episode, what are some challenges or what what is something that you could tell what you would tell somebody who's listening to this episode and thinking about how they can make improvements in their own life?
SPEAKER_01:Well, it's not about rigidity or punishment, it's the opposite. It's about self-care. So, what is something that you need to do to take care of yourself? Right? And the biggest challenge is going to be actually saying no to that thing when you start to negotiate.
SPEAKER_00:So, this week's challenge for all of you listening is pick any one of these following things. Maybe it's hitting the snooze button, maybe it's late night snacking, maybe it's scrolling. Oh, definitely for a lot of folks scrolling through social media.
SPEAKER_01:Maybe it's, you know, exercise, maybe it's food-based or, you know, health-based.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And when that does and then when that internal voice starts uh kicking in, what are some mantras again, Lindsay, that people can use?
SPEAKER_01:I've already made the decision. This isn't the food I eat, right? All anything that's associated with what you do, right? I think that that's the important one. A big thing for me is like, well, that's just not the food I eat.
SPEAKER_00:Right, right. And I think if you do this for one week or even try it for a day or so, it's no arguing with yourself. It's no making excuses for yourself, it's no justifying, it's just following through.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And then once you follow through, think about the benefit of it. Yeah. And think about how you talk to yourself when you do follow through versus how you talk to yourself when you don't follow through.
unknown:Right.
SPEAKER_00:You know, one of uh one of my somebody I worked with a while ago uh who was in education actually talked to me about the Romans, and I actually have to look this up, but that when the Romans would go invade a place, they would burn the boats. Like they would make all the soldiers get off the boats and they would burn the boats. Why do you think they would burn the boats that the soldiers came on? Like the little rowboats that they came on.
SPEAKER_01:So they couldn't leave.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. And because when you give yourself an option, like, hey, we ain't got no place to go back to, is kind of how is is what is how the Roman army worked. And they had a very large empire at the height of of their existence.
SPEAKER_01:Right. And I do want to also just like touch briefly on the fact that like where we are right now is actually has been consistently the healthiest city in the United States for many years now. And you go to the beach and there's hundreds of people walking on the beach at eight in the morning. There are people doing yoga on the beach, there's people running, there's lots of people biking. Here in this community where my parents live, we went out. Oh, it was dark. We went to get coffee at 7 30 in the morning. We left the coffee to to go to the coffee shop. And there were so many people out. I was like, look at all of these people. Everybody here is so active.
SPEAKER_00:How about old boy in the golf court that I think? Yeah, I think that was like 80-something years old, and he came whipping around the corner at like in the almost at sunrise in the dark still. Like, I gotta, and there were so many people out on the green. But here's the thing is these folks don't negotiate with themselves.
SPEAKER_01:They set an alarm and they get up and they go. And everybody here is active and healthy. And everywhere you go to eat, there's so many healthy choices. And it's so it has made it very easy for me here, I will say, because there's not a lot of temptation when we go upstate, it's hard for me because there's not a lot of stuff in like like in you know the Queen Mom's college town that has nothing in it. Right. So but it is, it's about these little wins and celebrating yourself. Celebrate little wins for yourself and don't make it so that you have to change everything tomorrow. But if you want to change something, just like I tell everyone in this group, it's like cutting what 18 minutes off of a mile walk.
SPEAKER_00:It's like that's a consistency.
SPEAKER_01:Right. It's just walk around the block. I started by walking around the block every single day. Once I could breathe well and my back wasn't killing me, and I started to lose weight, then I would go two blocks. Then we would go, you know, four blocks, then we would take the dogs and we'd be gone for an hour, and then we got on the bikes, and then we started going to bike trails upstate, and you know, I I don't negotiate with myself anymore.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. The last thing I want to say, at least for my part on this, is you made me just think something, especially in the physical fitness standard. I have a lot of men that I work with and they love sports, and I have somebody who loves both Alan Iverson and Kobe Bryant, right? Allison, Alan Iverson was I obviously, if you watch basketball in the 90s, was one of the greatest players of all time. Kobe Bryant was also one of the greatest players of all time. But Alan never won a championship. Kobe won uh multiple, I think five, six on the with on his time in the Lakers. What everybody would tell you about Kobe Bryant is Kobe Bryant was consistent. You know, his people, his friends thought, you know, his colleagues thought he was a maniac because they were like, when they were out partying and womanizing and cheating on their wives, Kobe, you know, was out practicing basketball every day, every second, every minute of the uh every every every moment he could. He knew his craft, that's what he was about, right?
SPEAKER_01:Right, but and that's what made him so successful, right? Was all the practicing and the motivation, the motivation that came from him consistently seeing success.
SPEAKER_00:Alan Iverson, on the other hand, and he'll say it, didn't like the practice, didn't show up the practice, wasn't consistent, you know, and and it showed, and it showed. And it was like, and at the end of the day, here you have somebody who should have been in the hall of fame, still is is is well known for being like one of the most great players in the league, but was not consistent with himself and gave in. And I read an interview where he was like, hey man, you know, he said, I gotta give Kobe respect, right? Even though Kobe got in a little bit of trouble at one point from following some bad advice and following after some bad actors, Kobe consistently did what he needed to do. He he he he was he disciplined himself, he was rigorous, he set back boundaries for himself. He's like, Me, uh, you know what? I wanted to hang out with the rappers and the people that partied and drank, and you know, you you can see how that worked out for me. So that's the last thing I really have to say on that and why it's important not to negotiate with yourself. I'm gonna actually learn a lesson eventually one day myself and make sure that I, you know, even though I've done well with my weight, I do need to continue to work on my blood pressure, my cholesterol, and I do need to make consistently good choices for myself. You heard me say that as I was eating the street corn and the shrimp, but it was good. But I'm I'm rationalizing and rewarding. Um but that's all I got for me.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think that's a good place to wrap.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, that is it. Hopefully, I've been tempted to look at this phone. No, no, don't look at the flight anymore. And make sure this flight is no further delayed. But I think I uh right now I I think I think we're good. It looks like it looks like we're gonna board at 5 33. So fingers crossed that lady Jerry uh who's coming to pick us up, will actually get to get enjoy the rest of his night. But this has been Cleveland and Lindsay, and this has been another episode of the Devil You Don't Know.
